Guidelines To Get Through Life: 2008

196)

Take good care of your boat
The Flying Wasp

195)

Avoid using the word perfect. There is no such thing. It means something different to everybody anyway.

193)

Make an unforgettable cameo appearance

Stick around for the cigars and espresso

There are two cures for a hangover. One is that you can start drinking again. The other is to try to ingest as much grease as possible. Good choices are breakfast burritos, biscuits and gravy, or perhaps anything involving bacon and sausage.

Suggested Music Interruption:

David Bowie,"Golden Years"

191)

Catch the ball if it gets thrown to you

Make a play

190)

Write a letter. Everything in the mail is either a bill or something that you'll probably throw away. It's old fashioned but a surprise in the mailbox is a very welcomed thing.

189)

Pay respects to old ballparks and stadiums. Try to see them before they go away.

188)

Always keep your promises

187)

Have gum or mints on the ready. Sometimes you might need a quick mouth cleanser when you are out and about.

186)

Pay attention in class

185)

Pose with your friends

184)

Make sure to be the first to call shotgun. If someone else calls it first, respect the call. A tradition is a tradition, see guideline #179.

183)

Read to your kids often. Nothing like quality time with the little ones.

182)

At a buffet, make sure you get what you paid for. However, don't get too crazy. Mix in a salad every once in a while and be gentle with the desserts.

181)

When you hear a siren, pull to the right and stop. Get the heck out of the way. Also, don't follow right behind to get through traffic easier.

Suggested Music Interruption:

Kenny Rodgers, "The Gambler"

180)

Talk a little trash but don't go overboard. You'd better be able to back it up though.

He was the greatest at it

179)

Kiss under the mistletoe. Sometimes it doesn't matter how or why a tradition starts. Don't ask too many questions and just follow it.

178)

Listen to your coaches. They know a heck of a lot more than you. They also know how to win.

177)

Take out your contact lenses before you go to bed

176)

Don't be a ball hog. Keep your head up when dribbling and find the open man. Get all your teammates involved. It doesn't hurt to play a little defense as well.

175)

Do whatever possible to not throw in the towel. Stay in it as long as you can, no matter the situation. Sometimes it is hard, but you'll get through it.

174)

Learn to throw a frisbee. It's fun and you'll get a little exercise. It also attracts the chicks.

173)

Lay in the grass

Suggested Music Interruption:

The Pretenders, "My City Was Gone"

172)

Get the gang together. Sometimes you can accomplish two guidelines at the same time. See #53 and #52.

171)

Avoid traffic

170)

Never throw the dice off the table. This especially applies to craps but works for three man as well. Throwing dice off the table changes the game, and your luck, dramatically.

7 out

169)

Cut down your own Christmas tree. Go to a place that has plenty to choose from, remember to bring a saw. Trees from a farm will last way longer than a store bought one.

168)

Catch the afternoon matinee. With the price of movies on the rise, why pay more when you can see the same thing cheaper, and earlier.

167)

It is what it is

166)

Make friends while in detention. Who knows, you might make a friend for life.

165)

Back up your hard drive. You don't want to lose those important files. You don't want to lose those pictures. Make sure to have an extra hard drive to make copies of everything you want saved.

164)

Be on time

163)

Stop and look around. Life goes by pretty fast. Take a day off to recharge your health. Don't miss anything.

Oh Yeah

162)

Try crosswords and sudokus. They are fun and challenging. Give your brain some exercise.

161)

Don't smoke. You can throw in a lipper, or have a stogie every once in a while. However, for the most part, keep the gums and lungs happy.

160)

Never trust the weatherman. It's pretty basic, if it's cold out wear a coat. If it's hot out, wear shorts. If it's raining, bring an umbrella. If it's sunny, bring sunglasses.

Suggested Music Interruption:

Steely Dan, "Do It Again"

159)

If the phone rings more than four times, chances are the person isn't there or simply doesn't want to talk to you

158)

Clean out your inbox. Get rid of old mail. Better yet, respond to your mail as quickly as you can.

157)

Recycle

156)

House sit for a friend. If asked to watch someone's place, do it. Take the opportunity to chill out at someone else's pad for a little while, but make sure to remember to leave a gift or two for their return.

155)

Look both ways before crossing the street

154)

When renting a car, purchase their insurance

153)

Clean out the fridge. Throw away the old salad dressing. Toss out the unused vegetables. Get rid of the things hidden in the back.

152)

Try something adventurous every once in a while. Bring your friends, a comb, some spare change and plenty of good stories. Avoid bullies, junkyard dogs and leeches.

Have a really good time

Suggested Music Interruption:

The Clash,"Train in Vain"

151)

Never drink anything higher than 151 proof. That means the alcohol content is 75.5%. Basically anything with a higher percentage is considered rubbing alcohol. Just be careful. See guideline #34.