Guidelines To Get Through Life

277)

2010-11-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

When the ultimate outcome for guideline 1 is met, it's time to shut down the blog for a while

276)

2010-07-08T12:56:00.000-07:00

Always implement beer into your sporting events. This works best with golf, bowling, shooting, billiards, horse shoes, ping pong, relay races, kayaking, and hoops. Bring lots of friends.

275)

2010-07-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

Every so often, use the old noggin. Put away the calculator, or the phone, or the computer and try to do math the long way. It will keep things fresh in your head.
Minus two plus two, fill the hole

274)

2010-07-08T12:46:00.001-07:00

Drink plenty of fluids

273)

2010-07-07T15:59:00.000-07:00

Check out the fireworks. Sit and watch the show. Be careful not to use your own. It's probably illegal anyways. Your hands and face will thank you for it.

272)

2010-07-07T15:53:00.000-07:00

Unless this sign applies to you, don't park here. Don't be that guy. Furthermore, don't get a placard for one if you don't really need it.

271)

2010-06-19T08:40:00.000-07:00

Use momentum to your advantage

2010-06-19T08:39:00.000-07:00

Suggested Music Interruption:

Arrested Development, "Tennessee"

270)

2010-06-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

Have spare napkins in your car. Keep them in a place where they are easy to get to. They will come in handy from time to time.

269)

2010-06-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

Mix in a salad. Try to cut down on all the grease and salts and fatty foods. Your body will thank you for it.

268)

2010-06-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

Don't forget about guideline # 11

267)

2010-05-21T10:06:00.000-07:00

Open up the atlas and travel. Don't plan it out, just let things happen, and see where the car takes you. Let spontaneity be your guide.

266)

2010-05-21T09:25:00.001-07:00

Take a cruise on a bike every so often

265)

2010-05-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

Hold on to the railing when using the stairs. You won't trip and fall as much.

264)

2010-05-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

Show your colors

263)

2010-03-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

Bring back the station wagon. The minivan has held the title for the last two decades. It's the wagon's turn again. Pile the family in and get out there.

262)

2010-03-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

Make someones day today

2010-03-20T08:13:00.000-07:00

Suggested Music Interruption:

Beck, "Loser"

261)

2010-03-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

Go easy on St. Patrick's Day

Remember it's a three leaf clover, not four

260)

2010-03-12T14:07:00.001-08:00

Keep your hands, arms, legs and feet inside the vehicle at all times.

Enjoy the ride

259)

2010-03-12T14:03:00.000-08:00

Don't be a wine snob. Don't pretend you know what you are talking about. Drink what you like, and let others drink what they like.

258)

2010-03-12T13:57:00.000-08:00

Keep the chainsaw oiled. Don't let your tools and machines go to waste because they are not taken care of properly.

257)

2010-03-12T13:54:00.000-08:00

During Lent, remember to not eat meat on a Friday, but it's ok to eat fish.

256)

2010-03-12T13:50:00.000-08:00

Go Team

255)

2009-11-22T18:58:00.000-08:00

Don't go to the circus. It stinks there. Clowns aren't funny anyway.

254)

2009-10-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

Kick the extra point. However, when the math works in your favor, go for two.

2009-10-26T22:13:00.000-07:00

Suggested Music Interruption:

The Blow Monkeys, "Digging Your Scene"

253)

2009-10-26T22:05:00.000-07:00

Stay Positive

252)

2009-10-21T17:52:00.000-07:00

Check your blood pressure often. High BP is the silent killer. Keep it within a reasonable count. When it gets too high, it's time to change your diet and exercise habits.

251)

2009-10-21T17:44:00.000-07:00

When playing Scrabble, have a dictionary on hand. It will prevent further fights or disagreements.

Go for the double and triple word scores

250)

2009-10-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

Accept apologies. It's better that way. It will prevent further fights or disagreements.

249)

2009-10-13T21:37:00.001-07:00

Flirt

248)

2009-10-13T17:05:00.001-07:00

Try the hookah

Bonus points if you can sit on a mushroom

247)

2009-09-21T17:16:00.001-07:00

You don't always have to take things literally

Spaceballs the Movie

246)

2009-09-21T17:06:00.000-07:00

If a casino offers free stuff, take it. Spend a night at their hotel. Keep ordering the drinks. Have the breakfast. Get into the dance club. Whatever they offer, take advantage of it because they are going to get you in the long run anyways.

245)

2009-09-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

Pay attention to expiration dates

2009-09-21T17:01:00.000-07:00

Suggested Music Interruption:

Billy Joel, "We Didn't Start The Fire"

244)

2009-09-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

You are not allowed to give yourself a nickname. Let your friends or family give you one.

243)

2009-09-17T20:30:00.000-07:00

Never forget guideline #32

Keep up with a tradition

242)

2009-09-17T19:59:00.001-07:00

No matter what, never ever forget guideline #53

241)

2009-09-17T19:52:00.001-07:00

Sit on the roof from time to time. It's a great view from up there. Be careful on the way up as well as the way down. Throw up some chairs if you need too.

240)

2009-09-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

On a piece of paper, rewrite the telephone numbers on your phone. Do it now before it's too late. Batteries are dead before you know it, and you simply can't memorize all those numbers.

239)

2009-09-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

Remember which months have 31 days and which have 30

238)

2009-09-17T19:29:00.000-07:00

If a foul ball comes your way, make sure to catch it. You may never get another chance at one. Bring a glove if you need to.

237)

2009-09-17T18:34:00.001-07:00

Know all the state capitals

236)

2009-09-17T18:28:00.000-07:00

Whenever going out to an event, always double check to see if you have the tickets. Triple check if you need to. Don't forget them at home. That would be bad.

235)

2009-09-11T13:04:00.000-07:00

Always have plenty of toilet paper on hand

234)

2009-09-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

When buying eggs, open the carton first and check them out. Inspect for cracks. Twist them in their slots to see if they stick. If they are loose, then you are good to go.

233)

2009-09-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

Visit the California Missions

17 of the 21 still remain

232)

2009-09-09T23:20:00.000-07:00

Know the exit you want to take before it's too late. Don't cut off everyone on the highway. Have an idea when you are getting off and move over accordingly. If you cannot manage this safely, then wait until the next exit.

231)

2009-09-03T21:24:00.001-07:00

Don't forget to set the alarm

2009-09-03T21:23:00.000-07:00

Suggested Music Interruption:

Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Breaking the Girl"

230)

2009-09-02T23:30:00.000-07:00

Attend pub trivia. Bring a few friends and have a few pints. Come up with a good team name. Who knows, you might win every once in a while.

229)

2009-08-31T21:03:00.001-07:00

Learn how to bunt. Put the bat out in front, keep it level, meet the ball, and don't hit it back to the pitcher. Sacrifice yourself and move up the runner. It can make a huge difference in the game.

228)

2009-08-31T21:01:00.000-07:00

Never say die

227)

2009-08-31T20:52:00.000-07:00

Quote from movies. Sometimes the line is better than anything you can say yourself.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

226)

2009-08-31T20:50:00.000-07:00

Keep the fingernails and toenails trimmed. This applies to both the male and female. No one likes really really long nails, so keep it clean people.

2009-08-31T20:49:00.000-07:00

Suggested Music Interruption:

The Who, "Magic Bus"

225)

2009-08-28T12:27:00.000-07:00

If you don't have trust, then you don't have anything. This specifically applies to friendships, relationships and your family.

224)

2009-08-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

Live in a place where you can enjoy the view

223)

2009-08-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, wear a hat. This sometimes applies with #41 as well.

222)

2009-08-28T10:24:00.000-07:00

Attempt a pub crawl. Put a little thought and organization into it. Watch out that you don't get kicked off the train though.

221)

2009-08-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

Watch game shows. Some are better than others. Here are a few that should not be missed.

220)

2009-08-28T10:03:00.001-07:00

Have a sense of humor

219)

2009-08-25T17:20:00.001-07:00

Time heals all wounds

2009-08-25T17:18:00.001-07:00

Suggested Music Interruption:

Soho, "Hippychick"

218)

2009-08-25T17:10:00.000-07:00

Build a beeramid. Whenever possible, make one in front of your RA's door.

Go with the cheap stuff.

217)

2009-08-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

When you wake up in the morning, immediately write down what you just dreamt.

216)

2009-08-25T17:04:00.000-07:00

Never forget about rule number one. Even when the times are tough, always remember your favorite team. It doesn't always have to be baseball though.

215)

2009-08-25T16:59:00.000-07:00

Take a break from your blog. It gives you time to refresh your thoughts. Just remember what your blog is titled and the reason you were writing it.

214)

2009-01-24T11:07:00.000-08:00

When you are drunk, put away the phone. If you feel like drunk dialing someone, don't do it. Better yet, have a good friend take your phone away until the next day.

213)

2009-01-22T05:01:00.002-08:00

Stay away from these guys

212)

2009-01-22T05:01:00.001-08:00

Play more board games. Gather the gang together for a night of fun.

211)

2009-01-22T04:57:00.000-08:00

Practice Peace

210)

2009-01-22T04:39:00.000-08:00

Cheesecake

209)

2009-01-22T04:34:00.000-08:00

Visit friends in far away places

208)

2009-01-22T04:31:00.000-08:00

Turn off the tv when you go to bed at night. The television screen has a certain shelf life so why waste it when you are asleep. Besides, by turning it off you are saving energy as well, and that's a good thing.

2009-01-22T04:29:00.000-08:00

Suggested Music Interruption:

INXS, "Suicide Blonde"

207)

2009-01-13T22:44:00.000-08:00

Always have enough money on hand for the toll. You never want to come to a pay area and not have cash on you. Keep some spare change handy in the car for such an occasion.

206)

2009-01-13T05:34:00.000-08:00

Make friends with cheerleaders

It helps to sit courtside

205)

2009-01-10T13:31:00.000-08:00

Put the shopping carts away in their proper spots in the parking lot. Seriously, take the thirty seconds to walk the fifty feet over to where they are stored. Don't leave carts around the lot where someone can hit them with their car.

204)

2009-01-09T11:26:00.000-08:00

Find a great spot for a hammock

203)

2009-01-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

Purchase a car that was made on a Wednesday. Statistically, for some reason, cars made on that day are better than those made on any other day.

Lemons

202)

2009-01-09T10:55:00.000-08:00

Own a can opener. You'd hate to have a bunch of cans lying around that you can't open.

201)

2009-01-05T21:33:00.001-08:00

Watch out for number one, but don't step in number two

2009-01-05T21:31:00.000-08:00

Suggested Music Interruption:

Stevie Wonder, "Boogie On Reggae Woman"

200)

2009-01-05T21:29:00.001-08:00

Finish the race. Sometimes it doesn't matter who comes in first. The most important thing is that you tried. Do whatever it takes to finish what you start.

199)

2009-01-05T20:21:00.000-08:00

Throw strikes. Good things happen when you keep the ball close to the plate. Just mix up your pitches and your locations.

198)

2009-01-05T17:42:00.000-08:00

Wear your seat belt

197)

2009-01-05T17:38:00.000-08:00

Try to stay calm in an argument. Keep your voice down and stay within yourself. Nothing good happens when either of the participants erupt into shouting.

196)

2008-12-26T06:46:00.000-08:00

Take good care of your boat
The Flying Wasp

195)

2008-12-26T06:29:00.000-08:00

Avoid using the word perfect. There is no such thing. It means something different to everybody anyway.

194)

2008-12-26T06:27:00.000-08:00

Watch out for bee stings

193)

2008-12-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

Make an unforgettable cameo appearance

Stick around for the cigars and espresso

192)

2008-12-20T08:48:00.000-08:00

There are two cures for a hangover. One is that you can start drinking again. The other is to try to ingest as much grease as possible. Good choices are breakfast burritos, biscuits and gravy, or perhaps anything involving bacon and sausage.

2008-12-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

Suggested Music Interruption:

David Bowie,"Golden Years"

191)

2008-12-20T08:38:00.000-08:00

Catch the ball if it gets thrown to you

Make a play

190)

2008-12-20T08:37:00.000-08:00

Write a letter. Everything in the mail is either a bill or something that you'll probably throw away. It's old fashioned but a surprise in the mailbox is a very welcomed thing.

189)

2008-12-20T08:34:00.000-08:00

Pay respects to old ballparks and stadiums. Try to see them before they go away.

188)

2008-12-20T08:33:00.001-08:00

Always keep your promises